So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just invented taco cereal.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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