I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
