so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
