You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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