When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
