so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
