After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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