I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
