You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
