oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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