u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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