Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
