i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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