Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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