That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
