he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
