This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
