Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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