I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
