it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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