Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
