I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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