She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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