In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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