You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
