this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
