Swine flu. Run for my life!
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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