i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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