I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
