So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
