from now on my penis is your penis
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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