Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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