Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
