dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
