you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
