I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm determined to sit on that face.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
