Pappa wants mamma naked
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
