Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Randomize
