Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
