What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
