I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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