3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
