Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
