my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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