This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
