Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
