i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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