Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
