Swine flu is the new snow day.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Come share oat with me in your robe
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
