btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
