legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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