you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
